Posted by: Deborah Drezon Carroll | February 14, 2010

Aphrodite: Celebrating The Goddess Of Love And Beauty Within


This Huffington Post blog article is about how women can bring more love into their lives by embracing what makes them unique and boldly putting that out into the world. Being exactly who you are is the key, for sure. (While HuffPo ran photos of Marilyn Monroe with this post, I’m pretty sure she totally failed in the effort to love herself for who she was rather than who the world wanted her to be.) Of course, loving yourself first goes for men as well as women but I think it’s somehow harder for women to do.  It’s a fantastic goal, though. And, it’s a balance, too, between strength and intentional vulnerability. Yes, you should be comfortable with who you are and no, you shouldn’t compromise your principles or bend them to someone else’s will. But, relationships do require compromise, maybe not of your core, but perhaps of other aspects of life. The important thing is to be able to be true to yourself while being flexible enough to live, work and play with others. Recently, Alexis asked me if I thought that a strong single woman should alter her personality to make a romantic relationship work. That gave me pause. When it comes to my daughters, no, I don’t want them to change who they are to fit any man’s view of who they should be. But, I do wish for them to have long-lasting and fulfilling love lives.  It’s a question of balance, perhaps. Can we women be strong, be confident, be the women we are meant to be, and still make room to be in a relationship? Can we be strong and yet somewhat vulnerable? I mean vulnerable in the best sense of the word, not weak, but perhaps open-hearted? Strong and independent but not so strong and so independent that we don’t allow ourselves to let someone see our vulnerable side. It’s a bit of a tricky issue for me. As their mom, I want my daughters to be competent enough to be independent and not need a man to take care of them. But, I want them to have the fulfillment of having a loving partner in life. I don’t want to send them mixed messages. Yes, I want you to be able to make it on your own, but no, I don’t want you to be alone. I can see where that might be confusing. So, let me clarify. Yes, I want you to embrace your inner goddess and be your own woman. Then, I want you to choose a partner who can see your independent self and still find a loving way to be by your side.

It’s top on my list of hopes and dreams for my daughters– to be strong enough to be who they are, and to know for sure that they are beautiful in heart and soul while being compassionate and sensitive enough to temper their strength to allow others to fit into their world, too. Should they embrace their inner goddess? Absolutely. Because goddesses they are — they’re powerful and they are forces for good in the world. What a great way to celebrate a day of love, by loving yourself for who you are and what you offer to the world and by letting others see that you are open-hearted. (Yes, I may have made up that term but I like it.)
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Shira writes:

Why is there a picture of Scarlett Johansson on this page?

Alexis Writes:

I don’t know. She wouldn’t have been my first pick of a modern-day goddess but my guess is that’s why she’s there.

I think there is a difference between compromising and alteration. If every once in a while a person agrees to something that they don’t want to do that’s compromising. Alteration is never having a say and simply agreeing to whatever you think your partner wants to hear. Compromise is an imperative aspect of a relationship but I think alteration runs rampant in women. We’re constantly being told by society that we have to do the work, simply because we’re more verbal. I think what you choose to compromise on is based on individual preference because we all have different things that are important to us. A true goddess can express herself because the most important thing in the relationship is that she is at least heard by her partner.

Debby responds: You really are brilliant. And, I’m only slightly prejudiced. I’m curious to know what the single ladies think?

Tamra writes:
Why does it seem like this blog is a way for mom to get me and Shira to unload our views about boys and dating?

The problem is that I am clearly a total goddess and too good for anyone.

Compromising is fine, I guess, but there’s nothing wrong with altering yourself a little so you’re fit for the public eye. When you first meet someone you’re not going to shake hands and say “hey, nice to meet you, I had a difficult childhood which will explain why I have a fear of commitment, don’t eat in public, and sleep with my shoes on”. That might freak people out. Maybe I’m confusing altering yourself with having a filter. Whatever.

Debby writes: First, yes, you are a total goddess… and really hilarious, as well. Secondly, I don’t have to use a blog to find out what’s going on in your dating life. If I need to know anything about you, I’ll just ask your sisters. 🙂

Shira writes:

No, I do not think you should alter yourself to make a relationship work. Compromise is necessary in any relationship, not just romantic ones. However, I myself have been guilty of pretending a little to try to make something work. It takes me a little while, but I eventually realize that I actually don’t like going to Dave and Buster’s that much and I really don’t want to move to Charlotte. That’s usually when I end up breaking up with someone. I think I would be better off just not dating the guys that need to alter who they are to be good enough for me and hold off for someone who already is.

Hmm, I hope none of my ex-boyfriends read this…

Tamra writes:

Shira, they can’t even get onto the internet…

Ned writes:

Hey Girls,
I see you are thinking on this one. Compromise is very important but honesty is too. When you are beginning a relationship you don’t have to reveal your shoe fetishes but at some point you must be open and honest enough to admit that you have more shoes in your closet than Imelda Marcos (you can google her). Ultimately if you don’t come clean with your thoughts and feelings those shoes will eventually pour out of your closet and no one likes those kinds of surprises.

Tamra Writes:

Actually, I’d love if shoes poured out of my closet. Also, the paint looks really good, thanks!

Shira writes:

My floor to ceiling revolving shoe tree is really hard to hide…

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Responses

  1. I love this blog! The concept of you all blogging together is fabulous. I wonder if I will live that long to see my daughter grown…she may kill me first.

  2. Yeah…some days you think they may kill you and some days you just hope they will. Thanks for checking us out.

  3. Debby,

    It worked.
    I told my daughter about your blog and she came this week and said, you know mum, maybe I can write one day a week.
    I said ” I would love that” and inside I thought “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes ” but didn’t say it.
    I will wait for her to say it again to see if she means it.

    Thanks for helping me do it.
    I think we have a great bond but it will make it even more special.

    Say thanks to your 3 amazing daughters too.

    Ronit from Family Matters

  4. Ronit, that’s wonderful. We are having a great time working on this blog and I suspect that you will, too. Don’t expect her to be as into it as you are, but the fact that she’s willing to give it a go is terrific. I’ll be checking it out to see how it’s going.

  5. I am loving thus blog. It fills me with misty-eyed hope for my daughter and I. I would love it if we could do a blog together when she’s older. Ahhh. What a lovely idea.
    (visiting from SITS)

    • Well, we’re having fun and I bet you will too. Let us know!

  6. There’s definitely a massive difference between compromising and just giving up all the time… it’s important to find the right balance.

    • Balance is absolutely essential, you are totally right. Thanks for stopping by. Please visit again.

  7. The sweetness of these conversations melts me.


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