Posted by: Deborah Drezon Carroll | January 3, 2010

2010 Non-Resolutions

I’m not big on new year resolutions but I admit I have made some in my life. I can’t say I’ve ever kept one beyond Jan. 10, though. So, this year I’m changing things up. I am making resolutions but I have a plan on how to keep them this year. Instead of promising all the things I’m going to do and then not actually doing them, this year I am promising NOT to do things. I figure this will be a whole lot easier to make good on. Isn’t it easier not to do things than to do them? Well, that’s the plan and here are my non-resolutions for 2010 as they pertain to my daughters. They are not in priority order, but, rather, the order in which they popped into my head so the order is meaningless so don’t read too much into it.

1. I will not mention online dating to anyone I know who is single. Okay, a year is a long time so maybe this one I’ll only NOT do for 6 months. I think I can do that, even though I do believe that meeting people online is a good way to get to know someone before you have to face them in real life. Six months, I can do this.

2. I will not try out new healthy recipes when my daughters come to dinner. They know I like healthy eating, I don’t have to hit them over the head with new foods they’re not likely to embrace as much as I do.

3. I will not say anything judgmental about anyone. Okay, not about anyone I’m related to. I can do this, my family is small.

4. I will not ask my daughters if they’d like to come over and go for a walk. They probably don’t and asking them may produce guilt. I am cutting down on guilt production.

5. I will not say anything that sounds like I actually mean something else and am just hinting at the real message.

Five is a reasonable number of things I won’t do. I wonder how much my daughters will bet that I won’t be able to make these work. I could make some easy money here…well, maybe, anyway.

Tamra Writes:

Seriously mom? That’s like saying your New Year’s resolution is to not be yourself. Let’s not kid ourselves. No way you’re making it to Martin Luther King Day with these…

Shira Writes:

$10 that Tamra gets a email before February. Or at least an invite for a walk.

Alexis Writes:

You guys are mean. I’m sure she can make it to Martin Luther King Day. Although it does say ” I will not mention online dating to anyone who is single.” Doesn’t that mean that I have to hear about how other people should be online dating (mentioning no names of course)?

Shira writes:

Is Alexis married?

Tamra Writes:

Alexis is rude, and a total suck up. At least some of us are being honest.

Shira Writes:

We wrote non-resolutions in one of my classes today. My favorite: I resolve not to be cannibalistic. Should I be concerned?

Ned Writes:

I think your mother already broke non-resolution #3. I can’t believe I didn’t bet anything.

Alexis Writes:

My non resolution: Do not say anything rude about  Tamra on the internet even though she said something about me. Enjoy your spaghetti!



  1. I will not ask my recently divorced daughter to please go on J-Date to find a nice Jewish man who will adore her and take care of her.
    She is totally capable of taking care of herself, has been more courageous in this last year than I could have imagined and she will decide when she wants to meet a man. Right now, she’s loving being single and being a single Mom.

    I will not be always judgemental of my daughter-in-law. See, having a daughter-in-law is a whole
    other can of worms and sometimes I find myself becoming my Mother-in-Law. She and I had our differences………HA…………and I swore I would never be difficult with my son’s wife.
    Oy…………so damn hard……..So not judgemental of son’s wife. After all, she was raised differently and brings her values and ideas to the table and just because sometimes they don’t make sense…………oops………

    • Sounds like some very reasonable plans. Hope we both get to NOT do these things all year. Daughter-in-law? With three daughters I feel reasonably sure that I won’t have that issue. (But, you never know these days!)

  2. I like this–non resolutions. This way you are not setting yourself up for failure.

    • Oh, believe me, avoiding failure is my middle name.

  3. I’m not a resolution maker… I like this short list idea of things you won’t do. Of course I’d probably just list out things I don’t do normally anyway. Then I would look like a total success!

    Hmmmm….you may be on to something

    • Oh, yes, I think I am on to something. After all, what’s more important, succeeding or having everyone THINK you’re succeeding?

  4. Hi, Debby! Thanks for visiting my blog – I love yours as well and yes, will add it immediately to my blogroll. What a great site! I know you can probably offer me fantastic insight into raising my daughter so I am so happy to have “met” you!
    I love how your daughters have contributed – they sound hysterical. I also LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of not making resolutions but deciding what you WON’T do. Mine is that I WON’T say yes so much! 🙂 Thanks again for checking out my site!

  5. Thanks. Yes, my girls are pretty funny and fairly entertaining to know. (most of the time, but then there are those infuriating/frustrating moments but that’s a whole other blog, 🙂

  6. Hmmmmm.

    Okay, I have it. I will not be openly negative about family in front of my daughter. I know she’s too young to understand, and I’m rarely negative about family anyway, but it never hurts to start early and make sure that she has the faith in family that she deserves.

    • Faith in family. Great concept. On the other hand, she can also learn that saying judgmental things about family members is sometimes done with love, right? 🙂 (Okay, other times it just slips out of the mouth before it can be contained but that’s a whole other blog post.) Thanks for reading.

  7. I think # 5 could be problematic for me — I do this without knowing it’s happening.

    What gorgeous, charming young women you have and what a fabulous idea this is.


    • Yeah, those moments of unbridled “hidden” messages happen to all of us. We mean well, though, don’t we? 🙂 Thanks for reading and for saying nice things about the girls. I’m so glad you like this idea. We think of it as kind of a time machine for parents. You can look back and into the future, all at the same time!

  8. I to am a father of an amazing 25 year old daughter, although sometimes she thinks I’m not so amazing, especially when I ask her to give me five reasons why she is still living home!

    • 1. Do not do her laundry.
      2. Do not cook for her.
      3. Give her a few shelves in the pantry and the refrigerator and ask her to
      use those for HER food that she purchased with HER money.
      4. Work out a fair rental agreement for the use of the room.
      5. Let us know how this works out.

  9. Maybe you should lower your expectations. Just ask for two reasons she’s living at home. Our youngest stayed with us until she no longer found us that amazing. Then she moved in with her sister. We’ll see how that goes….

    Thanks for reading. Keep the faith. They do eventually move out. Although I’ve heard that nothing is permanent and they often boomerang back. If that happens here, it’ll be a whole different blog. It’ll be set up to accept donations from kind strangers.

  10. Funny! I thought about resolving not to smoke. But then again, I’ve never smoked a day in my life, so that seemed too easy.

  11. There is nothing wrong with making our resolutions easy to keep, is there? I mean anyone can (and almost everyone does) make resolutions that are hard to keep. The really smart people make resolutions they are a cinch. Then we get to experience the joy of success. All of life should be this easy. Thanks for reading!

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